A letter to Gunnersaurus:
When I heard you got made redundant it broke my heart. I know how much you loved that job. I perked up a bit when I heard Ozil said he’d pay your salary, and even Seville said they’d hire you, but then I got to thinking. Aren’t you tired of running around on the football pitch? You’ve already won the World Cup of Football Mascots… isn’t it only downhill from there?
I’ll tell you what, 27 years on the pitch is nothing to scoff at, and your knees must be killing you, so I’ve got a better idea:
Come and put your feet up in the Algarve! You’ve definitely earned it.
There are loads of brits to talk to, you could learn a whole new language and if you’re interested, I could even set you up with some work over here showing the humans some of our family history – they really did get around! I’ll be honest, I’m not the sporty type, but loads of people play golf out here so you could definitely get into that, and the Portuguese love football, so there’s always one game or other to get involved with.
I’m not saying leave Arsenal behind, I know how much you love them, but us family have to stick together cuz, and I want you to know I’ve got your back! I think you could use a break, so make the most of it being sunny over here and head over – even if it’s only for a holiday. A bit more vitamin D will definitely perk you up while you look at your options, and you know it does our scales wonders! Maybe I’ll even convince you to join the family business? Who knows…
From your loving cousin,
P.S. You HAVE to see the tracks great granddad left over here on Salema Beach. He never did tread lightly!